Nova_Dust

Nurses And Apples
While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the pin signified.
"Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away."

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Pesky Insects
Little Billy, and his grandfather entered the vacation cabin, and kept the lights off until they were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed them in.
Noticing them before his grandfather did, Little Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights...."

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Glasses
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."
The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"

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Four Fathers
Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labour.
The nurse tells the first man, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins!"
"What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!"
The nurse returns and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets!"
"Wow, what a coincidence! I work for 3M Corporation!"
When the nurse tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets.
"Another coincidence! I work for Four Seasons Hotel!"

At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask what's wrong.
"What's wrong?! I work for Seven-Up!"

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New Husband
A daughter comes home from the peace corps in Uganda and surprises her mother who is in the process of lighting the Friday night candles and serving the matzoh ball soup.
The mother is so thrilled she can't stop hugging and kissing her daughter. Finally she says, "Sit down, darling. Tell me all about what you were doing."
Her daughter says, "Mom, I got married."
"Oy, mazeltov," says the mother. "How could you do that without telling me?
What's he like? What does he do? Where is he?"
"He's waiting outside on the porch while I tell you."
"What are you talking about? Bring him in. I want to meet my new son-in-law."
The daughter brings him in and to her consternation the mother sees a black man standing before her wearing a big grin, a feathered cod piece, an enormous head dress, animal tooth beads and he is holding a very tall spear in an upright position.
The mother grabs her daughter, slaps her back and forth on both cheeks and screams, "Dummy!, Stupid!, Idiot!,..I said a RICH doctor!"