Signs of being Gay
04-Nov-2008, 09:03 PM
#1
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Durham Region
Posts: 2,442
Signs of being Gay
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your *** over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a *******. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or ****. Anything else and your in training and undeniably a ***.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or **** in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he goes wherever he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free *** passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a ***.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-*** driver or to cut off the jerk. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a burger, or hold his beer.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your *** over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a *******. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or ****. Anything else and your in training and undeniably a ***.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or **** in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he goes wherever he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free *** passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a ***.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-*** driver or to cut off the jerk. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a burger, or hold his beer.
04-Nov-2008, 09:50 PM
#5
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 6,647
1. I have a 38" waist. I'm drinking beer right now.
2. I have a small dog, which is gay, but she is a Miniature Doberman, which isn't so gay.
3. I still have my Beer Bong from my first spring break in Daytona Beach and I still use it. I've been known to suck on the odd Cohiba too.
4. I **** off my front porch and my back deck when I take my dog out. I've also been known to pee in my laundry tub too.
5. Cafe Americano from Starbucks. Watered down expresso.
6. I picked the granite and hardwood in our house, but I don't know their names.
7. I use 1 hand to finger-blast the wife.
2. I have a small dog, which is gay, but she is a Miniature Doberman, which isn't so gay.
3. I still have my Beer Bong from my first spring break in Daytona Beach and I still use it. I've been known to suck on the odd Cohiba too.
4. I **** off my front porch and my back deck when I take my dog out. I've also been known to pee in my laundry tub too.
5. Cafe Americano from Starbucks. Watered down expresso.
6. I picked the granite and hardwood in our house, but I don't know their names.
7. I use 1 hand to finger-blast the wife.
06-Nov-2008, 08:14 AM
#15
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 667
1. I have a 38" waist. I'm drinking beer right now.
2. I have a small dog, which is gay, but she is a Miniature Doberman, which isn't so gay.
3. I still have my Beer Bong from my first spring break in Daytona Beach and I still use it. I've been known to suck on the odd Cohiba too.
4. I **** off my front porch and my back deck when I take my dog out. I've also been known to pee in my laundry tub too.
5. Cafe Americano from Starbucks. Watered down expresso.
6. I picked the granite and hardwood in our house, but I don't know their names.
7. I use 1 hand to finger-blast the wife.
2. I have a small dog, which is gay, but she is a Miniature Doberman, which isn't so gay.
3. I still have my Beer Bong from my first spring break in Daytona Beach and I still use it. I've been known to suck on the odd Cohiba too.
4. I **** off my front porch and my back deck when I take my dog out. I've also been known to pee in my laundry tub too.
5. Cafe Americano from Starbucks. Watered down expresso.
6. I picked the granite and hardwood in our house, but I don't know their names.
7. I use 1 hand to finger-blast the wife.
and another sign of being gay is making excusses to convince yourself your not gay!
